{"id":563,"date":"2019-02-21T11:38:02","date_gmt":"2019-02-21T18:38:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/?p=563"},"modified":"2019-02-21T11:38:06","modified_gmt":"2019-02-21T18:38:06","slug":"zen-teachings","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/zen-teachings\/","title":{"rendered":"ZEN Teachings"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Thanks to my Dad for sending these to me! I hope they bring some laughs to you as well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, leave me alone.<\/li>
  2. Sex is like air. It’s not that important unless you aren’t getting any.<\/li>
  3. No one is listening until you fart.<\/li>
  4. Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.<\/li>
  5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.<\/li>
  6. If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.<\/li>
  7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.<\/li>
  8. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.<\/li>
  9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.<\/li>
  10. If you lend someone $20.00 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.<\/li>
  11. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.<\/li>
  12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.<\/li>
  13. Don’t worry; it only seems kinky the first time.<\/li>
  14. Good judgment comes from bad experience \u2026 and most of that comes from bad judgment.<\/li>
  15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.<\/li>
  16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.<\/li>
  17. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.<\/li>
  18. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.<\/li>
  19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass, then things just keep getting worse from there.<\/li>
  20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n


    <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Thanks to my Dad for sending these to me! I hope they bring some laughs to you as well. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, leave me alone. … <\/p>\n

    Continue reading “ZEN Teachings”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-563","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-thought"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p8MROt-95","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":62,"url":"https:\/\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/no-fish-yet\/","url_meta":{"origin":563,"position":0},"title":"No fish yet…","author":"bradschauf","date":"June 7, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"So I may need to break out my \"Rain, Rain go away?\" soliloquy from Facebook. Still have 2 to 4 foot waves outside the bay so plan again today is to continue donating bait fish to the water. So yeah, no fish pictures yet.\u00a0 Here you go Mom!","rel":"","context":"In "Vacation"","block_context":{"text":"Vacation","link":"https:\/\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/category\/vacation\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/img_2792.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/img_2792.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/img_2792.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/img_2792.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/img_2792.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/img_2792.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":52,"url":"https:\/\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/road-trip\/","url_meta":{"origin":563,"position":1},"title":"Road trip!","author":"bradschauf","date":"June 5, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"From Tucson to St. Louis to Pensacola and back with Uncle Bob and Bro Mike. Saw Sister Barbara... and My father-in-law Charlie with his wife Rose! Charlie is doing well after heart valve replacement surgery!!! Next will hopefully be pictures of fish!!!","rel":"","context":"In "Vacation"","block_context":{"text":"Vacation","link":"https:\/\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/category\/vacation\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/img_2759.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/img_2759.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/img_2759.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/img_2759.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/img_2759.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/img_2759.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":316,"url":"https:\/\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/ne-day-3-mexico-city\/","url_meta":{"origin":563,"position":2},"title":"NE Day 3 – Mexico City","author":"bradschauf","date":"September 28, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Let's just say there is no legroom for a six foot two white guy on a flight where the average height is 5 foot something. Two benedryl and the same number of mini Jack Daniels helped to take the edge off - a bit. 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Got out to open water and probably dropped 10 times and got a few bites.\u00a0 Then the oil alarm went off on the port outboard motor. Limped in. Bad oil pump. We may be done fishing due to equipment failure just when\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Vacation"","block_context":{"text":"Vacation","link":"https:\/\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/category\/vacation\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/img_2837.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/img_2837.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/img_2837.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/img_2837.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/img_2837.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/06\/img_2837.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":540,"url":"https:\/\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/may-daughters-wedding-speech\/","url_meta":{"origin":563,"position":4},"title":"My daughters wedding speech","author":"bradschauf","date":"December 5, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Posting this for a buddy of mine whom shall remain nameless. He kept asking me to send him the speech I gave at my daughters wedding and I ran across it this morning while looking for something else. Here it is, short and sweet: Michael, I'm going to give you\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Shelbie Wedding"","block_context":{"text":"Shelbie Wedding","link":"https:\/\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/category\/shelbie-wedding\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/shelbie-wedding-dance.png?fit=1200%2C662&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/shelbie-wedding-dance.png?fit=1200%2C662&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/shelbie-wedding-dance.png?fit=1200%2C662&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/shelbie-wedding-dance.png?fit=1200%2C662&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/12\/shelbie-wedding-dance.png?fit=1200%2C662&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":98,"url":"https:\/\/bradschauf.com\/blog\/day-3-on-way-home-from-florida\/","url_meta":{"origin":563,"position":5},"title":"Day 3 on way home from Florida","author":"bradschauf","date":"June 12, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Ended up staying Amarillo last night. We are using mostly Apple Maps for navigation. I assumed it would take basically the same route in both directions. Nope. Looking at a way lot of this. Reminds me of driving in Kansas.... flat. No traffic so far which is great! 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